April 29

Funny for the week- One evening Hurricane started to cry out in a panic. It was not his typical, common whining. There was true fear in his voice. I came in to our bedroom to find him clinging to the side of the dresser. He was about 3 feet off the ground, one hand clutching a bag of chocolates, the other clinging to the drawer. He couldn't hold on for much longer, and he wasn't about to let go of his prize.

Underfoot and Hurricane have been very kind and tender to us. They have not fought much and when apart they constantly ask when we will go get their brother. Hurricane would crawl on the couch and say, "Hold me. Just hold me."  Underfoot has been thrilled about going to Joy School and having his LAST music class. He was so excited to share what he had learned at music class. He sees it as one step closer to kindergarten.

On Thursday,  Underfoot had a talent show at Joy School and wanted to read Marvin Mouse, an oral family story made into a book. He tried to read the book like a librarian would with showing the pictures but would get confused about which way to turn the pages and turn them the wrong direction. The children started to crowd around him to see the pictures. When there was something funny, he would add his own "laughing" because he thought it was funny. I was so happy to see him read. He loved to add his own dramatic voice to the story.

Our chicks have started to grow. We parceled out the other chicks to their new owners. We only have 11 now.

Author switch. Sweetheart writing now.

This week has tested our faith and pulled at our heart strings. We learned several weeks ago that Mama was pregnant. This would be the sixth time since Hurricane was born. At the start of the week she knew that something wasn't right. On Tuesday morning she had an unscheduled ultrasound. I met her at the doctor's office. The doctor could not find a heartbeat and indicated that the pregnancy would not go to full term. I took the rest of the day off. That evening we took the boys to the county fair, as we had promised. It was hard day.

It is hard to know what to say when something like this happens. We trust that we will have more children, but we don't know when or how more children will come to our family. We have talked about adoption and foster care. We don't feel comfortable with either option at this stage.

I worked on Wednesday. A friend spent the day with Mama. I took Thursday off. I worked on Friday. On Saturday I took the boys to the Titan Missile Museum so Mama could have a few hours to herself. A friend invited us to go swimming late that afternoon, and the boys and I went swimming. Mama spent most of the day reading a book. We enjoyed food that people brought to us.

Miscarriage isn't something that people talk about in casual conversation. It is something that we have quietly dealt with for several years now. Mama isn't looking for sympathy. I'm tired of not being able to tell people what is really going on. It has been hard. It is hard. There are no good words to make it any better. But, we believe that God will hear our prayers and send us more children. (Hurricane frequently prays for 5 babies and counts them "1, 2, 3, 4, 5- 5 babies.")  How he makes that happen, and when, are up to Him, but we trust that it will happen. A few years ago, we heard a message about dealing with adversity that has been helpful. The title of the message is "Hope Ya know, We had a Hard Time."

There was a time when we felt very alone in our community. We realized tonight that those feelings of loneliness have been replaced with genuine friendships. Mama and I both feel like there are people here who care about us like family. Perhaps the silver lining in this difficult experience is the realization that we are not alone.

Be Well.